The kids are back at school, and for a lot of separated dads September is when a quiet problem surfaces: the school only really talks to one parent. Reports, parents’ evenings, the trip letters, the “your child had a great day” messages, all going to one house. It is rarely deliberate. It is usually just that nobody sorted it out. Now is the moment to sort it.
Where you stand
If you have parental responsibility, the school should treat you as a parent. Schools have a duty to involve everyone with parental responsibility in their child’s education, and to share information such as reports and attendance with both parents, unless a court order says otherwise. You do not have to be the “resident” parent to be entitled to this.
A few things worth knowing:
- You almost certainly have parental responsibility if you are married to the mother, or you are named on the birth certificate (for births registered in England and Wales from December 2003), or you have acquired it since.
- The school will not take sides. It will not mediate between you and your ex, enforce a private arrangement, or referee disputes. What it will do is deal with both parents as parents, and follow the terms of any court order.
- If there is a court order affecting contact or collection, give the school a copy. They can only follow what they know about.
The five-minute checklist
Email the school office at the start of term and ask them to confirm, in writing, that:
- Your contact details are on record as a parent, and you are set up to receive the same emails and app notifications as the other parent.
- You will receive school reports and be invited to parents’ evenings (many schools can book two separate slots where parents do not attend together).
- You are included on communications about trips, medical matters and general updates.
- They hold any court order that is relevant to collection or contact.
- They know who is authorised to collect your child on which days, if that is ever an issue.
Keep it short and factual. You are not asking for a favour, you are asking them to do what they are already meant to do.
Keep it clean
One warning. The school is not a battleground, and staff notice fast when a parent tries to make it one. Do not use pick-up, the office or the teachers to score points against your ex. Be the easy parent to deal with: polite, organised, reliable. It is better for your child, and it quietly builds exactly the picture of you that helps everywhere else too.
Source
Schools’ duties to parents with parental responsibility are set out in GOV.UK guidance. See Understanding and dealing with issues relating to parental responsibility.
Information, not legal advice. If you are unsure whether you have parental responsibility, or a court order affects what the school can share, take advice on your own situation.